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Chapter 6
Two days had passed since then.
A lot had happened lately, but there was a more immediate concern I had to focus on, forcing everything else to the back of my mind.
It was nothing special—just the inevitable hurdle every high schooler eventually faces: midterm exams.
“Haa…”
“That’s a deep sigh. Still about her?”
Ên̄ů m а
“No, Karen’s been quiet. For now…”
During lunch break, I sat with Mamiya-san on a bench in the courtyard, killing time with small talk. It had become my routine lately.
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
Apparently, ‘Let’s try spending lunch together’ was what she’d been about to suggest on Friday—the day I stayed home claiming I was sick.
After what happened with Karen, being in the classroom had become uncomfortable for me, and Mamiya-san had always been something of a loner in class, so for the two of us, this time had unexpectedly become a moment of peace.
Well, it wasn’t like there was zero chance Karen might suddenly show up and ambush us here… but so far, that hadn’t happened, and we’d been getting through our days in relative calm.
“Still, it’s surprising. With how she was, I thought she’d pick a fight with you at school without caring where you were.”
Ŵѐ b̂ ň о̌v ё l̀ Е̇ñŭ ṁ ã
“Karen’s pretty fickle… or rather, she’s the type who moves on emotion.”
“And by that you mean?”
“Seems Karen’s mad at me right now.”
I hadn’t confirmed it with her directly, of course, but given the situation, that was the only conclusion I could draw.
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The day before yesterday—Saturday—after I happened to run into Karen outside the game center, Karen apparently did exactly what Mamiya-san predicted and actually went to my house.
I’d told my parents I was staying over at a friend’s place, so she didn’t come inside… but the problem seemed to be that the ‘staying over at a friend’s place’ part got back to Karen.
Е́n̄ ü ṁ a .іd̃
Given the circumstances, Karen probably assumed I’d stayed at Mamiya-san’s house. She sent me a bunch of angry messages—'If I left her blocked, there was a risk she’d resort to hardball, so I unblocked her'—and if I had to summarize them… it was basically, “Ak-kun, I won’t forgive you unless you apologize to me.”
In other words, she was waiting for an apology.
“I hope she waits forever.”
Her merciless way of putting it made me let out a wry smile.
I did feel that way, but realistically, it probably wouldn’t be that simple.
This kind of thing had happened plenty of times before. A small misunderstanding, me making her angry without meaning to, things like that.
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
I’d often struggled to soothe her and earn her forgiveness, but it was rare for her mood to improve through any effort of mine.
Ultimately, the best solution was to wait for the storm to pass—meaning that any attempt on my part to maintain the current peace would likely be a struggle.
All I could do was avoid provoking her and pray.
“But… if she saw me spending time with Mamiya-san here, that could be dangerous…”
“Well, she’d definitely pick a fight.”
Even as she said that, Mamiya-san was smiling like she was enjoying herself.
Е ǹumа
“But holding back because of that girl would be missing the point, wouldn’t it?”
Strong.
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
“Besides, we’re not doing anything wrong. We’re just eating lunch together and doing exam prep… and you two are already broken up.”
Mamiya-san puffed out her chest, utterly confident that justice was on her side.
She was right—there was no way any slander like cheating would stick. If anything, the whole cause of this was that she cheated first, and besides, we were already broken up.
That said, Mamiya-san still hadn’t dissolved her engagement with Shibaki. She said she was prepared for things to get a little worse, but—
Е ṅ ǔm а̄
“It’s not just me—are things okay with Shibaki?”
“I’ve been in a cold war with him for a long time. Since before that happened. If anything, I’m sure he’s relieved he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore—he hasn’t even tried to contact me.”
Mamiya-san tossed it off like it was nothing.
“He’s childish. Ever since we were kids, once he dug his heels in, he’d never be the one to give in first. Even with this incident, he only apologized at the very start—and even then, his choice of words didn't come close to what anyone would consider a real apology. And of course, it wasn’t even in person, not even over the phone. By now he’s probably just waiting for things to blow over. He’s just taking advantage of the fact that I haven't told his parents yet.”
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Just from lightly prodding, the complaints came pouring out!? I could tell she’d been building up a lot of frustration—really, for a long time…
From the way she’d talked about her engagement-cancellation plan to her older brother, Takayuki-kun, it was clear she didn’t feel any goodwill toward Shibaki anymore, so it wasn’t exactly surprising… but still, right after she’d witnessed it, she’d been hurt enough to cry.
Ŵе̌ b n ov̄еl̀ È ň u m̄ȧ
So the two of them must have had their own bond, in their own way…
“Right, Watanuki-kun. Changing the subject—this coming Saturday, you’re free, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then, want to study together for the exams?”
“Huh?”
“It’s right before exams, so even the special advancement class has the whole Saturday off. I thought it’d be perfect for spending time together. And besides, apparently when you’re dating, you study for exams together—and then you flirt, right?”
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Was her reference material another romance manga again?
Of course, in our pseudo-romantic relationship, even if we ended up alone together in an enclosed room, it was hard to imagine the atmosphere actually turning romantic.
“But the special advancement class moves through lessons differently, so wouldn’t it be pretty inefficient?”
“Efficiency has nothing to do with it. If that’s what people do, then we’ll just try doing it.”
Mamiya-san was the type who liked to start with the proper optics—or rather, once she learned how something was supposed to be done, she couldn't rest until she'd tried it herself.
“And they say studying with someone else provides mutual accountability so you can focus, right? I never usually study with anyone, so even in terms of efficiency, I think it’s worth a shot.”
Е̄n̄ùḿ ӓ
“On the other hand, there are times you get distracted by each other and can’t focus.”
“That sounded like it came from experience.”
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“Well……”
As Mamiya-san hit the nail on the head, I instinctively looked away.
But with that reaction alone, it was basically a confession.
When I looked back, sure enough, she was giving me an exasperated, sullen stare.
Ē n.um̄ а̊
“This is about your ex-girlfriend, isn’t it.”
“……Yeah.”
I mean, my life was basically like this—no matter how deep you dug, everything was somehow tied back to Karen...
“We usually did our exam prep together... but Karen never really liked studying. It was less about teaching her and more a constant struggle just to get her motivated.”
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That tied back to what I’d said earlier about her being led by her emotions.
They say that teaching someone else helps the teacher learn too, but that only works if the other person is actually willing to be taught. Getting someone motivated to study was pretty hard. Even if you told them to do it, motivation didn’t just well up that easily.
W е̊b n̊ о̄v̌ėl Еǹũ m̌ а
“So you were the one starting it every time? Since middle school?”
“Yeah. Middle school midterms, finals, and then high school entrance exams…… and even summer vacation homework and stuff, I think I was the one who brought it up.”
“I see……”
Mamiya-san nodded with a sigh mixed in. She looked like she’d reached some sort of understanding, but──
“After all, it seems like you might be part of the reason she turned out like that, Watanuki-kun.”
“Huh? Turned out like that……？”
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“The kind of person who doesn't even feel a shred of guilt about cheating.”
“What!?”
Come to think of it, I felt like she’d said something like that before……
Still, when Karen said what she had with Shibaki wasn’t cheating, I’d been pretty shocked too—to the point it was hard to believe we’d gone through compulsory education together.
……But it seemed like Mamiya-san could see something I couldn’t.
She pursed her lips into a sulky line, closed her eyes a little as if choosing her words, and then──
Е̃n ù m а̊. ĩ d̊
“You spoiled her too much.”
She said it with force, like she’d been holding it in this whole time.
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“Spoiled her too much……？”
“Anyone who’s constantly spoiled will eventually start taking it for granted and stop feeling any gratitude at all. Because you handle everything for Washizaki-san, she thinks your presence is a given—she might even think it's fine to give nothing back. It’s like how if an alarm clock wakes you up every day, you eventually become unable to wake up without one.”
I-I see. I kind of get what you mean, but……
“Watanuki-kun, sometimes your sense of personal space is just... skewed, you know?”
Е_n ü ḿ а̀
“You’d been thinking that!?”
So she’d been with me while thinking that……
“For example…… right. Even when we were holding hands, you didn’t get embarrassed at all, and you’re kind of close, or…… you have this way of being weirdly off with distance in general, don’t you. There were times I even wondered, 'Does this person really understand I’m a girl?'”
“Uh……”
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“Because of that, do you have any idea how many times you made my heart—ahem. You flustered me, quite unintentionally.”
Apparently, without realizing it, I’d been causing trouble for Mamiya-san too.
Е̄ǹ.ü m̈ǎ .іd̄
No—she was saying that unawareness itself was the problem.
“If I had to give one clear example of when I thought, 'This guy……' then…… maybe when you grabbed and held my hair at the ramen shop without even the slightest hesitation.”
“But you were the one who told me to do that, Mamiya-san!?”
“Even then, you’re supposed to hold back a little, or hesitate, or at least have some kind of flustered reaction.”
To think there’d been a trap set up like that……！
Sure, touching her hair, holding it so it wouldn’t get in the way while she ate ramen—did I feel any resistance about it…………yeah.
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“Honestly, I don’t have any awareness of it, but if you’re saying that, then I guess I must be like that……”
“I think all of that was for Washizaki-san’s sake, but──”
“No, if we're talking about my lack of awareness around girls in general, then the cause might lie with someone other than Karen.”
“Huh? Really?”
Mamiya-san’s eyes went wide.
I felt exactly the same way. But as I sifted through my memories, wondering Since when……, I realized that another's shadow had been cast even before Karen.
Ẃе b n̊о̄ v̀ е̊ l Ê ǹǔm̈ ӓ
“Probably my older sister’s influence.”
“You have an older sister?”
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
“Yeah. Coincidentally, she’s the same age as Takayuki-kun—a second-year in college.”
“Hmm…… I guess we have that in common, then.”
“I wonder if it really counts as a match.”
Mamiya-san had an older brother, and I had an older sister. If you lump it together as “having an older opposite-sex sibling around the same age,” then I guess we did match.
Е̊n ǔ m̄а̂ . і̌ d̄
“My sister was more like an older brother, or…… she was pretty bold—just a really strong person. So maybe because of that, she wanted weakness from me instead, or……”
“Weakness?”
“People would call it an old-fashioned mindset now, but you know the saying about a wife following three steps behind her husband, right? My sister was the kind of person who’d say, point-blank, ‘Little brother, you're the one who needs to stay three steps behind me.’ Of course she made me take care of things around her, she wouldn’t allow any backtalk at all, and she made me eat the vegetables she didn’t like instead. When I brought girl friends over, she’d have everyone treat me like a toy, and because she said it was cute, she even forced me to use 'boku' for my first-person pronoun……”
“…………To put it mildly, doesn't that just make her a tyrant?”
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“Exactly.”
Just remembering it made cold sweat break out. When it came to shaping my personality as a kid, she’d probably influenced me even more than my parents or Karen had.
Е̊ n̈ú m̈а . і̌ d
“But…… she was cool. She went to a martial arts dojo and was ridiculously strong, like someone out of a manga. I always looked up to her. Nee-chan never bullied the weak. I won’t deny she was a tyrant, but…… she always protected me, and no matter what happened, she was always on my side. Even when I told my parents I wanted to start tennis, she asked them with me…… anyway, sorry. I’m getting off track.”
I felt like I’d focused too much on the negative side, and I ended up getting heated trying to follow it up. Maybe that, too, was the product of Nee-chan’s reign of terror.
“If the things that were just normal to me—things I never even thought about, the way I treated Nee-chan and Karen—ended up bothering you, Mamiya-san, then I’m really sorry. The fact I wasn’t even aware of it…… no wonder I couldn’t read Karen’s real feelings, either.”
My sense of personal space was skewed.
It sounded like a joke, but it might actually be the perfect way to describe my state.
I’d been a bad influence on Karen without even realizing it, and I’m sure I was the only one who felt good about our dynamic. Because I was that kind of person, I’d mistaken Karen’s feelings toward me as being the same as mine.
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I had to fix this. If I didn’t, I’d just mess up the same way again…… so.
“Please, Mamiya-san. If you’re with me and I make you feel even a little uncomfortable, I want you to tell me without holding back. I might bother you at first, but…… I’ll fix it properly!”
I swallowed my embarrassment and bowed my head deeply to Mamiya-san.
I didn’t understand what exactly I was doing wrong well enough for it to come to mind right away. I knew it was shameless to ask for even more chances to bother her in that state.
But it wouldn’t be right to say that meant I should distance myself from Mamiya-san.
At the very least, Mamiya-san didn’t want that. I couldn’t exactly say it like I knew that, but…… I was selfishly hoping and believing that was the case.
Е̂ṅuṁ á
Because I wanted to be with her.
“…………Are you seriously saying that?”
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To my request, Mamiya-san…… for some reason, shrugged like she was exasperated.
It probably was an unbelievably annoying request from her perspective, but……
“If you want me to say something when I feel uncomfortable without holding back──then I won’t be able to say anything.”
“Huh? N-no, if you’ve been worrying about not hurting me or trying to be considerate like that, you don’t have to worry about me, and……”
Ӗ nũ ṁ à.і d
“I stopped worrying about being considerate a long time ago.”
Bored, like it was obvious, she said it.
“These past few days, I realized I’m surprisingly short-tempered. If there’s something that bothers me, I can’t stand it. If something happens that I don’t like, I blurt it out right away. I thought I was holding it in, but I was probably showing it on my face. That was always my personality, and maybe that’s why people thought I wasn’t lovable as a fiancée…… I did reflect on that a little.”
Those words were self-mocking, but there wasn’t any reflection at all on her face. It felt more like she was simply accepting a fact as a fact.
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Still, I never thought of her as short-tempered…… if anything, she hadn’t pointed out my concerning behavior at all. Even that ramen shop thing she brought up earlier.
“I haven’t felt uncomfortable.”
En̊ ǔ m̄ а̃ . і̌d̆
“Huh?”
“You made me flustered. But it wasn’t that I didn’t like it. So it’s hard to point it out as ‘I don’t like it’ when I don’t like it. I’d be lying.”
“N-no, but──”
“I said your sense of space was skewed, but I think it’s a virtue that you can act that way unconsciously, without any ulterior motive. Being kind to girls—that’s gentlemanly. It’s just that depending on the person, it can have a bad influence. Some people start thinking it’s only natural to be doted on and keep raising their demands, and others won’t believe it’s unconscious—they’ll sense an ulterior motive that isn’t there and come to dislike you…… well, as for the latter, I feel like you’d notice it from their side and correct yourself.”
The problem was the former──that Karen fell into that category, right?
Because I unconsciously spoiled Karen…… no, it probably wasn’t only that.
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
I wanted to catch Karen’s attention. I wanted her to need me more. I think that ulterior motive only fueled that “unconscious” behavior even more.
“So I’ll correct you. Into a man to my liking.”
With a smooth motion, she stuck her index finger right up to the tip of my nose, and Mamiya-san smile──no, her cheeks twitched.
“Aren’t you forcing it a bit? ‘To my liking’ feels like wording that doesn’t really sound like you, Mamiya-san.”
“G…… You’re banned from pointing that out so clearly.”
“Um, was that the bug?”
W̆ ĕ b nоv̊ е l̃ Ӗ n ům̈а
“It’s a matter of tact. Don’t you think it’s a bit cruel to burst someone’s bubble right when they’re trying to psych themselves up and be dramatic?”
“I-I didn’t mean it like that…… no, I’m sorry. That was my fault.”
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
I went ahead and did it. Still, I couldn’t deny that a small part of me had actually wanted to tease her.
As I sat there reflecting and bowed my head, a sigh brushed the crown of my head—exasperated, but with a hint of a laugh mixed in.
◇
Then, on the Saturday we’d agreed on, we made our way to the library.
Ènů mа
Of course, studying was the top priority. But going to each other’s houses was still a bit much. And going to school on a day off felt kind of bleak, too.
We chose the library for a change of pace, though it was mostly a reason arrived at by elimination. There was a self-study space, and if we sat side by side, pulled our chairs close, and whispered softly to each other, that level of communication was allowed.
“Yeah, the test range really is different from the special advancement class.”
“Maybe I should say something like, Eeeh, is that all you’ve done? I’m kind of tempted to snicker.”
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“Why not?”
“If I did, you’d mercilessly point out I was being performatively nasty, right? So I’ll never say it.”
Ӗ n uṁа̇
She was the one who brought it up, yet somehow I was the one being treated like the bad guy.
Well, that kind of thing was very Mamiya-san, and it was funny.
“Still, I’m impressed. You don’t seem to be struggling with any of this.”
“I stay on top of my prep and review. Honestly, with this curriculum, I don’t think I need to push myself too hard.”
After starting high school, it felt like the level of the classes had gone up a bit compared to middle school.
But it was our first midterm right after enrolling. I was still keeping up, and the study habits I’d built after quitting the tennis club in middle school were still paying off.
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I didn’t think it was anything to brag about──but Mamiya-san looked oddly impressed.
“Hey, Watanuki-kun. Couldn’t you have gotten into the special advancement class easily?”
“Huh, you think so?”
“Even if it’s the special advancement class, it’s not like there’s some dramatic gap in academic ability. The tuition’s the same too……and the reason you went into the regular class was because of that girl, wasn’t it?”
“Well……yeah.”
If you went by test scores, I did think I could’ve aimed for the special advancement class.
W̆е̇b̌n о v̌e ĺ .E ňum a
But the curriculum was different between the special advancement class and the regular class. Pushing Karen to aim for special advancement would’ve been unreasonable, and I’d thought it’d be better to stay together so I could support her academically.
“...This is just a thought, but have you considered transferring into the special advancement class?”
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“Huh?”
“I don’t have the school guidelines memorized down to the last detail, but I’m pretty sure it exists as a system. I think you can take a transfer exam only when you move up to second year.”
So that was a thing……she really knew her stuff. As expected of Mamiya-san.
“Second year is still a long ways off, but…… if I could spend time in the same class as you, I might be……a little happy, so.”
Е ñ_uṁа .і d
“……!”
She looked away at the most important part, but the ear I caught a glimpse of between her swaying hair was red.
If I pointed it out, I’d definitely get jabbed for it. But this wasn’t her desperately psyching herself up, and it wasn’t a villain act either……she probably really meant it.
“……Then maybe I’ll aim for it.”
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“Really?”
“I mean, going to college like Nee-chan was sort of my goal, but that’s too far off, and besides──”
Ẇѐb̌ ňо̂v̆е l̃ E ňù m á
“And besides?”
“……No, um…… I think it’d be fun for me too if I could spend my school life together with Mamiya-san.”
Mamiya-san, the way she looked in the hallway. When I remembered her spending lunch break all alone, the idea of me being beside her didn’t feel so bad.
That said, even I knew it was no good to say it that bluntly.
So I safely just repeated what she’d said, but──
“……Yellow card.”
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“Huh? Why!?”
“Don’t raise your voice.”
For some reason, I got called for a foul, and she turned her face away even more. It seemed the demon referee had no intention of accepting any protests or questions whatsoever.
“Anyway, if that’s the plan, I’ll make sure to stay on top of your progress from now on.”
“Th-thanks. That’s reassuring. ……But now that I think about it, there are two special advancement classes, right? Which class I’d end up in would be……”
“You probably can’t choose, for that, you’ll just have to hope for some good karma.”
Wе b̈ n̆ o ve l Е n̆ù m а
“So it depends on luck……”
Well, I didn't think our personal relationship would have any bearing on class assignments.
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“In the worst case, it’s fine if we’re in different classes. If we’re studying in the same environment, we might even end up going to the same college.”
“College……”
“You thought I was looking awfully far ahead?”
“……A little.”
Ē ń um̆á
She threw my own words right back at me, and I nodded, feeling a little embarrassed.
We’d sworn to keep this relationship going until one of us rejected the other, but I also understood that, realistically, we couldn’t be together forever.
A year from now, a month from now—if things went badly, even next week—there was no telling what might happen.
If it was about college—something nearly three years off—then the feeling was even stronger.
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“There’s no point in imagining a bleak future. It’s only worth it if you’re picturing the absolute best possible outcome.”
“……So, Mamiya-san, you think the very best future is being with me?”
Е̇ nu ṁ а̃.і d
“Do you want another card?”
“N-no, sorry! If you were joking, then my mistake! But... if you were serious, I would’ve been genuinely happy.”
Flustered, and a little shocked, I dropped my gaze.
I had no intention of repeating my past mistakes. But believing her words at face value felt like far too much wishful thinking……
“…………Idiot.”
“Huh?”
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Mamiya-san gave me a sulky glare.
She even puffed out her cheeks a little... she couldn’t find the words, but the look on her face was almost childish.
“Right now, I can’t imagine a happier future than one where I’m with you, Watanuki-kun.”
Still sulking, she met my eyes and said it.
……Though she looked away a split second later.
“Come on, back to it—studying! That’s why we’re here today!”
Ẁ ē b́ n о v̇е̂ l̀ Е̊ nu m а
“Ow!?”
For some reason, Mamiya-san—who’d cut off our chat faster than usual—smacked me on the back pretty hard.
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Forced back to the books, I found her words echoing in my mind, refusing to let go. For a while, I couldn't focus at all, and I just sat there staring blankly at my notebook.
◇
With breaks here and there, we kept at our self-study until around evening.
Whether it was the library atmosphere or the fact that Mamiya-san was beside me, we managed to get through a lot of work with only the occasional bit of small talk.
Е̊n ú mä
“Nnngh! My shoulders are stiff!”
“Good work. Here—this. It’s cold.”
The moment we stepped outside, Mamiya-san took a long, deep stretch.
I held out a canned coffee I’d bought just moments before.
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
She looked surprised, almost instinctively fidgeting with shy embarrassment.
“Eh—ah, thanks…… Wait, when did you buy this?”
Е n̄ u m̈a..і̌ḋ
“Just now, at the vending machine by the exit.”
I’d picked it up while she was in the restroom, but I didn't see the need to mention that.
Mamiya-san reached for the canned coffee…… but with a somehow dissatisfied look, she stopped her hand before taking it.
“Mmph……”
Um... did I do something wrong? This is just—you know—a thank-you for helping me study. I’m not trying to read too much into it or anything...!”
“...No, I was just thinking that I should have bought something for you, too.”
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Mamiya-san took the canned coffee with that frustrated tone and squeezed it tight in her hand.
“Honestly, even I didn’t think studying with someone could go this smoothly. We’re just sitting side by side and each doing our own self-study, too. But because you’re working hard, it makes me think I have to work hard too…… When I’m with you, I start to feel like I’m a newborn baby.”
“A baby?”
“It’s a metaphor for not knowing anything.”
“I get what you mean, but even so, isn’t that a weird way to put it?”
“Is it?”
Ẁ ѐb̆ n̆о̀ vе l̇ Ӗ n̆ ù m а
Seeing Mamiya-san’s innocent, toothy grin, a gentle warmth spread through my chest.
Studying with someone—it was something I’d always done with Karen. But today was a far cry from that usual routine.
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We chatted sometimes, but looking at the whole day it was only for a moment. Most of the time, we were both silent, just sitting next to each other…… and yet, like Mamiya-san said, I’d been feeling her presence the whole time, taking it as encouragement.
It was a feeling I’d never had before—as if we understood each other perfectly without words, and were closer now than when we were actually speaking.
──Kssh.
All of a sudden, Mamiya-san popped open the canned coffee.
Е n ům̈ā.i.d̀
And after staring at the opening for a moment──
“Here. I’ll give you a sip.”
“Huh?”
“It wouldn't be fair for me to take the whole thing.”
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“No, but—”
“Just take it.”
Е̄ňúm̂ a
Mamiya-san shoved the canned coffee at me, looking a little stubborn about it.
She didn’t seem like she was going to back down…… maybe she hadn’t even noticed.
“……Thanks.”
I took the coffee with a sense of resignation. When I bought it, I hadn't imagined it would lead to this.
I thanked her and put the can to my lips—the bitterness of the black coffee flooded my mouth.
I only let a single drop’s worth into my mouth and handed it back to her──and that was when I realized. I probably should’ve just taken this for myself and bought Mamiya-san a new one.
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
But by the time I realized that, Mamiya-san had already taken the can back and, in the flow of it, put it to her lips.
“Canned coffee once in a while isn’t bad…… Mm? What?”
Maybe she noticed my eyes on her—Mamiya-san tilted her head.
Her expression was so completely normal that I felt embarrassed about how hard my heart was pounding, and I shook my head.
I couldn't help but think that I was just as much of a clueless newborn as she was...
