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Chapter 363
Black Heart (Illustration)
Ferda handed over the deserter's corpse.
For the time being, he would remain hanging from the tree as an example.
"You sent him off too cleanly for his crimes... well, it doesn't matter since we can substitute other things."
"Are there more deserters?"
"We caught three more. It's not just here. In the south and west, too, there were already many people trying to escape, saying it's crazy."
Еnum̂ а
"That's what fear is."
"The bastard the Regent-nim brought went quietly, but the others will suffer terribly."
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The platoon leaders said this with faces twisted in resentment.
It was visible that this was both their loyalty and a defensive mechanism to hide their weakness.
"Handle it as you see fit."
Ferda didn't want to look at corpses anymore.
W̃è.b n̄ о̄vẽl̄ Ënum а.
He returned to his room.
* * *
The next morning.
With two days remaining until the final defensive battle.
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The time for condemning the deserters arrived.
On the gallows, they endured all manner of insults from those who had been their comrades, beatings and stoning, continuing a painful and humiliating six hours.
Е̃n̈ǔm̂ӓ . і̆ d
The moment they tasted the edge of the hell that is life, they would be executed.
Ferda took no interest in it.
He still had a task he needed to resolve.
Day and night, he investigated his own condition.
'My magical power itself hasn't weakened.'
Using magic was as easy as breathing.
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Even 4th Circle magic had become so familiar it would draw itself without much concentration.
Power and capacity weren't the problem.
The problem was output.
Every time he used magic, he drew out mana, and that process was excruciating.
Since it was a Circle created for Valdrova, every time that Circle turned, he thought of that woman.
The sight of her crying as they parted at the end wouldn't leave his mind.
Е̄ń úm̈а
'Don't be conscious of it.'
Human thoughts don't work as one wishes.
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Like a thorn that digs deeper the more you try not to think.
If this continued, it would definitely cause problems with his combat strength.
'I need to find a method.'
Ferda tried to devise a method.
W̄еb́.n̆ о̀_vе̃ l Ê_ǹ u ma_
But the more he walked the path of seeking a method, the more his suffering only increased.
In the end, even until deep night, no solution appeared.
'If I don't know...'
I must learn from someone.
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'But from whom?'
The Red Circle is heresy even among mages.
W e̊ b̃ ǹ о v̌ ѐl Е̌n um а
There's no way someone who's lived their whole life in composure and calm could advise on emotional upheaval.
Thinking that, a certain figure suddenly came to mind.
'Olivia.'
She was similar in nature.
And right now, in this situation, she was the only one who could give the most appropriate advice.
But it was awkward.
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The last words he'd said to her lingered in Ferda's mind.
What he was doing now was an utterly shameless act.
But Ferda was in too difficult a position to feel such shame.
In the end, even though it was late at night, he decided to go find her.
Ferda entered deep into the Althesian Order's forward base and headed for the Saintess's tent.
"It's the Regent-nim. What brings you at this late hour?"
Е̄ ṅ.u ḿ а̂
"I came to see the Saintess-nim."
The guard frowned.
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It was only natural he looked like a crazy bastard.
"The sun has set. Could you not come back another time?"
"Just ask her."
"The answer will be obvious anyway..."
Én̈úṁ a . і d
The guard went inside with a bothered expression.
But he soon returned, looking somewhat embarrassed.
"She says to come in."
Ferda entered the tent.
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As he lifted the tent flap, a pious scent wafted faintly from within.
Inside, a woman was smiling as she looked toward the entrance.
Wеb̃ ń o v̌ ӗ l̂ Ӗ n̊ǔ m̂_ӑ
Bright blonde hair, blue eyes.
Her whole body emitted a faint light, as if to match her pure white clothes.
Like a sun that hasn't set.
That appearance was damnably beautiful.
"You've come to find me. At this late hour."
"Yes. There's something I'd like to discuss."
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"It seems to be a worry you've been harboring since five days ago?"
Ferda flinched in surprise.
Olivia smiled softly.
"It shows a lot. I've worn a mask longer than you have, after all."
"I see."
"Would you please sit opposite me? I'll serve you a cup of tea."
Е̇ń ů m̄ а
Olivia rose from her seat.
Ferda watched as she, wearing the Saintess's robes, carefully brewed tea.
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Even Ferda didn't know what heart she held.
Shortly after, she brought a teacup and handed it to Ferda.
"Well then, shall we find a way to unburden that worry together? What influence is that worry having on the Regent-nim?"
"My disturbed state of mind is preventing me from properly exerting my magical power."
Е nu̇ m̈ а̊
"A problem directly linked to the upcoming battle. Can you tell me what made you so disturbed?"
Ferda recalled yesterday's events.
The man begging for his life at his feet.
The trivial picture he'd shown.
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The Shadow Circle turning again.
"Yesterday, I killed a man with my own hands."
Ӗ ṅ um_а
"You mean the deserter. I've already heard that story."
She soothed Ferda gently, as if empathizing.
"But in a wartime situation, desertion is death by military law. It was cleaner than killing someone over political strife."
"Yes, that's right. And since he stabbed the platoon leader's throat and fled, there's nothing to say."
"That's two charges already. Both serious crimes. Yet why is it so hard for you?"
Olivia knew what kind of person Ferda was.
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Ferda would do anything for Valdrova.
It was only natural such a trivial death wouldn't shake him.
"He was someone's father, and someone's lover."
"Everyone is. But as long as they're here, aren't they just one soldier?"
"Yes, that's right."
"You tried to establish order according to the law. A deserter returning to the Empire would only be tracked down. Then his wife and children would also be branded as traitors and end up hanging at the gate."
Ē n̊ ǔ m̆å
"..."
"Because the Regent-nim caught and dealt with him directly, they can survive."
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"That... may be so."
"If it still weighs on your heart, I'll send someone to deliver appropriate condolence money there."
"Thank you."
Ferda nodded at those words and rose from his seat.
Е̇ nùm а
"Thanks to the Saintess-nim, I've been able to lessen the burden on my heart."
Ferda said this and tried to leave.
"Regent-nim. I didn't say you could go yet?"
"Huh?"
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Olivia drank her tea and answered.
"The deserter's death is just a branch of your worry. The trunk is still in its place, isn't it?"
Ẃ е̂b̌ n̊ о̊ṽе̊ l̃ Е̇ ň ŭ m̃а́
A sharp woman.
Actually, that wasn't the only reason he'd come.
But Ferda was now afraid to bring up the story.
"It's fine. This is a problem I must shake off myself."
"Please come here."
"Saintess."
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"It's an order. As the Vice-Commander."
Olivia's face was firm.
"You have an obligation to follow my orders."
Ferda didn't resist.
He headed for the seat opposite her again.
"No, come in front of me."
Ẃе b n̊ о ṽ е l̈ Е̇ ńu.m а̊
She said this.
Ferda obediently stood before Olivia.
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"Kneel."
He knelt before Olivia.
"Now lower your head, forward."
He did as told.
Ẁ е̌bňоvël̀ Е̊ n ũ m̃a
Olivia's knees and thighs were visible.
As Ferda hesitated for a moment, something soon touched the back of his head, pressing his head down gently.
"This is..."
"Embrace the wounded, and right their light. It's merely a ritual for me, as the Saintess, to fathom your wounds."
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A soft touch reached Ferda's head.
The sensation of five thin, fragile strands of flesh divided into five.
Е nu̇ m̃a. і̃ d
It stroked down along his rough hair.
Such an action wasn't meaningless.
Ferda felt the muscles that had been tense all this time loosening.
His five senses, which had grown distant, returned.
The scent from Olivia's clothes, even the body scent beyond that, vividly.
Ferda knew this smell.
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It was what he'd felt with alcohol in a shabby inn.
It felt like if he just closed his eyes, he'd fall into a deep sleep.
He felt all his senses depended on Olivia's hand.
"When the mind above is this disordered, you cannot command those below. Please, tell me what happened to you."
She requested.
Whether it was the power of magic, or because she knew he couldn't endure alone.
Еn̊ǔm̈ȧ
"Actually..."
She made him speak with his own mouth the secret he hadn't wanted to tell anyone.
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"I broke off my engagement with Valdrova."
At those words, Olivia's hand stopped.
"Broken engagement? The engagement is broken..."
"That's right."
É n̄ um à .і d̊
"Why would she do such a thing..."
Ferda answered slowly.
Like when a crack begins in a solid wall, growing immeasurably large.
As if Ferda's secret no longer held meaning, it came out of his mouth.
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"I lied to her. And I even did something I shouldn't have dared to do."
"What action wounded her?"
Ẁӗ.b̌ n̊ö v е l̇ Е̂ ň um̊ ӓ
"She didn't want people to die here."
"But... Ferda-nim must have had a reason you had to do it."
"Valdrova became unstable. If she stepped forward now, something worse than the tragedy of the Dragon-Demon War would happen."
"That doesn't seem like the reason."
He felt the sensation of their hearts connecting as one.
Lies were useless now.
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"...Yes, actually, I didn't want her to die."
Even if that was something he'd deceived himself with.
"Even if everyone here dies, I want that woman to survive."
All unresisting sincerity was confessed before Olivia.
"Valdrova-nim wanted to save everyone even at the cost of her own life, and Ferda-nim couldn't allow that."
"Yes. So... I made that woman into a powerless woman."
W е̄ b̊ń о̂ vẽl Е n̄ū ṁӑ
"A powerless woman..."
The infamous Red Dragon becomes a single woman.
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But the Valdrova Olivia had met, that dragon, suited that.
Because she possessed a soul pure and fragile enough to deserve protection.
"Since then, everything seems meaningless. It feels like there's no reason to do things like this... and above all."
"Even the source of your power has become a problem."
Е̇ñũm̌ а . і̌d̆
Olivia knew what Ferda's power consisted of.
Because the source she'd realized for herself was what he possessed.
Only the direction of who it was for was different.
"That's why I was curious."
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Ferda spoke the reason he'd come here.
"There was a moment when I gave you a terrible wound."
W̃.е̌ b̆ǹ оv̀ еľ Е ň ů m.а
"Yes."
I don't love you.
I can't even imagine drawing a future with you from now on.
The worst answer for an honest confession.
"You overcame that wound and climbed a new path. I find it newly amazing that you reached a height no one else could."
"You want to know that method?"
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"Yes."
Olivia's hand stroked Ferda's head as if petting a cat.
"At that time, I loved you. But you were already Valdrova's fiancé. Even so, being drawn to you was something deserving of reproach as a woman caught in lust."
"..."
"So I inwardly hoped for an answer I didn't want, while also wanting it."
"What do you mean?"
Ӗn u m̊a . і̇ d
"If you had treated me ambiguously, my wound would have just festered while I watched."
Greatly wounded, greatly painful.
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But she could shake off her attachment.
That's what she was saying.
"Because you gave me that definite answer, I was able to stand against the Emperor before many people. I wished for your happiness, and so I could head for the Far East."
"I see."
Е n u m̊ а . і̂d̀
"So, Ferda-nim. If you decided for her sake, think again about why you made that decision."
Ferda recalled the last moment with Valdrova.
She took his power, made him unable to do anything, resented him, yet trembled at the wound she'd given him.
Seeing that, he had been certain.
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"The reason I came here was because I wanted her to be happy."
He could know through the heart.
Еnu m̃ а̃ . іd
She was buried in sorrow, trying to escape it, but a heavy sense of duty bound her.
She was a child trapped by power.
"Even if not me... if she can be happy with someone else, that's what I'd want."
The precarious Circle that seemed like it would shatter subsided a little.
He hadn't found the answer.
He'd just gained momentary comfort from the fact that someone had embraced and comforted this wound.
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"There's a saying that only when you let go of everything do you gain everything. Ferda-nim let go of everything for Valdrova-nim. Soon the moment will come when you gain it all."
Will that day really come?
Even while sneering cynically, the human heart that wishes for it is unknowable.
"Ferda-nim."
Her voice became a little more affectionate.
"Yes."
Е̊n̆ûm̄а̂
"May I offer a prayer for you?"
"Will you pray for a black mage?"
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"Just because a crow is black, is its inside black too?"
Maybe not.
But right now, he needed comfort.
"I ask you."
Ên ǔ ṁ а_. іḋ
Olivia quietly pressed a prayer to Ferda's head and recited it.
A refreshing scent whispered in his ear from her lips.
Ferda closed his eyes and focused on her prayer.
* * *
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A Saintess's life is bothersome.
Adornment was simpler than when she was a Princess, but she needed a different bearing than when she was a Princess, so new acting was required.
Е n ūm̈а.і̂d
That newness made her more tired than familiarity.
'I want to rest soon.'
Moreover, this place was filled only with men.
Fear prominently brings out human desires, and one of them was lust.
Even if a sacred aura radiated from achieving Saintess-hood, her innate nature couldn't be hidden.
The weight of the continent's greatest beauty, surpassing the Empire.
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'I just need to sleep.'
She planned to remove her dangling accessories and fall asleep quickly.
She had to sleep well to be even slightly sober while staying here.
"Saintess-nim."
A Paladin spoke from beyond the tent.
"What is it?"
Е̂ ñ ů_mа. і̂ d́
She asked the Paladin, suppressing her irritation.
"Regent Ferda-nim has arrived."
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Ferda.
The moment she heard those three syllables, it felt like her eyes snapped open.
He came here?
Why?
Ӗn̆û m̌а.i d̄
"He says he wants to see the Saintess-nim, but since it's late, I was going to tell him to leave—."
"Wait a moment."
Olivia put back on the accessories she'd taken off.
She checked her reflection in the mirror again and told the guard.
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"Tell him to come in."
Ferda entered inside.
W̄ĕb̃ ñо̇v̇ е.l̂ Ё n̊ u m̀a
Although strict guards were outside, it was a situation with a man and woman alone in a room.
Her heart pounded fiercely.
'What stupid nonsense are you saying, Olivia.'
She reproached herself, but her face was honest with her emotions.
She welcomed him with a radiance on a different dimension from the smile she showed others.
"Welcome, Regent-nim."
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He looked full of worry.
Strangely, it made her happy that he'd come to find her with that expression.
It seemed as if he had no one to lean on but her.
He said something foolish.
He killed a deserter, but felt guilt over it.
Even though it was a justified killing, no, an execution, he acted so weakly.
W̄ е́ b̀ n ovеl̊ Еǹ úm ā
Olivia comforted him logically.
"Thank you."
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When she comforted him, he tried to leave hurriedly.
At that moment, an intense desire surged in Olivia's chest.
Olivia didn't want him to leave.
So she forcibly called him back and commanded.
W е bn о̂ v̄ е́ l Еǹ u m̊ á
"You have an obligation to follow my orders."
Ferda didn't refuse.
For the first time, she felt he was in the palm of her hand.
Along with a strange joy, anxiety settled in her chest.
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Ferda finally confessed why he'd come.
"I broke off my engagement with Valdrova."
Е̊ n um а̄
Hearing those words, Olivia felt her head go blank.
She could pride herself on feeling a shock similar to Ferda's.
'If the engagement was broken, it wasn't Ferda who notified her, right.'
Valdrova would have done it, and that's why Ferda is so dejected.
The reason he'd disappeared using training as an excuse.
Olivia understood everything.
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'Aah...'
Ferda was weakened by love.
Olivia hated such emotional men.
Because there were countless humans who showed reliable appearances then became weak.
Ferda had become one of those many men.
'But still...'
Ӗnumă.
Yet it wasn't dislikeable.
Rather, he pulled at her even more.
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Knowing how strong a man he was, unlike those with only plausible shells, even his moment of collapse felt beautiful and noble.
That's why it stimulated her heart even more.
Like a mother hen incubating eggs,
Like a mother welcoming the return of a child who played outside,
Е̌ n_u m̊а̇
Only the desire to hug that head with all her might captured her.
"May I offer a prayer for you?"
She said that, but actually, that prayer wasn't for Ferda.
'Ferda-nim, I'm sorry.'
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It was to confess her own sin inside.
'When I heard you broke the engagement, I was inwardly glad.'
Е̃ ň ǔm а̀
Since her heart for Valdrova was firm, she'd only thought there was no gap for her to squeeze into.
So she'd thought this love had transformed into absolute love.
'I'm harboring the thought that maybe an opportunity has come for me too.'
She was a Saintess, but simultaneously a single woman.
A woman who had craved love from Ferda, and that woman was still in that place.
'And at this very moment, I'm continuing to wish for your misfortune. Please forgive someone like me.'
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Wishing for him to be unhappy and ultimately come to her.
Such an ulterior motive was tempting her once again.
