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Chapter 360
The Last Farewell
Strength drained from his entire body.
A feeling as if something that had dominated his body passed through like a torrent and vanished completely.
He had survived countless battles and near-death experiences, but this was the first time he'd felt this way.
'Was it when I killed everyone with my own hands?'
The feeling when the catalyst that finally gave him vengeance disappeared and he faced the aftermath.
W̃ ё b n̄.о̆ v̌ е l̄ Е̇ñ ǔmа
The pleasure of successful revenge rushed in and then drained away.
But he'd sensed the danger and forcibly filled it back up, so he hadn't paid it any mind.
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His purpose in life gone, nothing left but an empty shell.
'Void.'
Emptiness settled in Ferda's heart.
There was no means to fill this emotion.
Èn uḿа_.іd
Harboring hatred was easy, but love was not.
Even if it were easy, he didn't want to live loving many things indiscriminately.
Then he'd obviously become even worse trash than that Penelope he so despised.
Ferda took a seat.
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He reconsidered what had happened.
He tried to phrase this situation gently, to interpret it in a slightly more human, biased way.
Ё ň u̇m_а̀.іd
Despite those efforts, this was a matter that could be summarized in ruthlessly simple terms.
'Broken engagement.'
That word had already burrowed deep into his heart.
He felt the sensation in his hands and feet gradually fading away.
Nothing could be heard, nothing could be fel-t.
It wouldn't be strange if his heart stopped right here.
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'Maybe that wouldn't be so bad.'
If only he could forget this, wouldn't anything be fine?
Ferda shook his head.
'That won't do.'
Wasn't this broken engagement something he'd already prepared himself for?
What was that resolve for?
Е n̂ üṁâ. ī d̆
He must not die now.
Even for her sake.
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'Even for Valdrova's sake......'
The dream he'd tiredly witnessed through Nightmare Walking had become reality.
There was no way to wake up.
Ferda had always put off how he would react to that future.
W̄е b n̄õv̀еl̈ Ё nu má
But it wasn't that he hadn't thought about the reaction and consequences.
It was just that enduring it was far harder than he'd imagined.
'Isn't that obvious?'
It's not something light enough to accept.
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If it were that easily acceptable, he wouldn't have stayed by her side.
Agape?
Еñu m̀a.id
A love that can let someone else be loved?
There's no way that's possible.
Ferda was a man, and to him, Valdrova was a woman.
He wanted to become part of her, and only wished for her to accept him as part of herself.
That emptiness gnaws at Ferda.
The Red Circle tried to shatter.
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To a mage, a Circle is like a heart.
Once broken, it cannot be undone.
Ferda's magic is his heart toward her.
So this situation was the same as losing his heart.
'If only the broken engagement could be called off......'
He'd run to her right now.
Ë n̆ ü.m̈а̂
Kneel, and say he'll do as she wishes.
"What nonsense are you spouting......?"
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Ferda gritted his teeth and hurled a rebuke at himself.
There's no turning back now.
He knew that, which is why he didn't use that King Piece.
Everything has already passed.
Е n ûm̂ а̀.
Don't cling, Ferda.
Let go of everything.
Even so, Ferda was a weak human.
He wanders, not knowing what to do with this unresolved feeling.
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That sorrow will surely only grow larger, and he truly couldn't endure it.
Ferda stood up and walked to the door.
Ёn um a
He wanted even a little comfort.
And damn it all, the only comfort he could think of right now was looking up at the moon.
He'd have to look at that damn moon to settle his heart even a little.
So he went outside.
"Sob... sob..."
He turned at the sound of crying from the wall.
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He doubted his eyes.
Valdrova was crouched against the wall.
Unlike her ruthless expression from the end, she was constantly swallowing tears.
"Ugh... sob...?"
After crying for a long time, Valdrova's eyes met Ferda's.
She whipped her head away and roughly wiped her tears with her sleeve.
Еn um а̌
She forcibly swallowed back the tears she'd been holding back.
"I was going to... leave after a bit."
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"...Yes."
"I didn't want to see the likes of Ferda... so I was going to disappear. Fly far away... that's what I was going to do. But..."
Saying this, her body trembled.
"My wings won't move..."
W е̄b̃ n о v̆е l̄ Е̊ ň ū mӑ
Valdrova covered both eyes with her hands and continued.
Like a crack in a newly built dam growing uncontrollably, words poured out.
"So I tried to walk again, but I couldn't see anything... and it kept getting hard so only tears came... hic... I can't even walk..."
The more she spoke, the more her pent-up sorrowful tears increased.
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"What do I do?"
She finally asks Ferda.
W̄ё bṅо̂ ṽеl̃ E n u_m̌.а́
"Just how... can I go home?"
Hearing those words, Ferda's throat tightened with pity.
'Stupid Ferda.'
He reproaches himself for thinking he should apologize and hold her.
Look at the woman before you now.
Without strength, she's nothing but a weak woman who can't even find her own home, isn't she?
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Will you push this woman back into the nightmare over a moment's pain?
Even if he can't love absolutely, he cannot dare to inflict wounds.
Even if they become enemies from now on,
My wish is only for her to be well until the end.
Ferda took off his coat and draped it over Valdrova, carefully wrapping his hand around her shoulder.
Ferda helped her up, and only then could Valdrova, who had only been crying, move.
Eṅ ŭ mа
Valdrova lifted her eyes and looked at Ferda.
Only then did he see what he hadn't been able to see.
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"Ferda, your chest..."
"My chest... why?"
Red marks spreading across his white shirt.
Only then did Ferda realize.
Е̃ nů m̀.а̂ .і̊d́
"I... did that, didn't I...?"
With golden eyes dropping tears, she looked at Ferda's chest.
Her hand unconsciously reached for Ferda's chest as her heart weakened.
"It's fine."
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Ferda said simply.
Despite receiving such a cruel wound, he dismissed it just like that.
Е̇ n̊ u ṁ ӓ .і̇d
He hoped Valdrova wouldn't offer any apology or excuse.
He only wished that the last thing he could do for her was this final send-off.
"Let's go. Home."
Valdrova didn't speak any further.
Receiving that send-off, she returned into the cave.
* * *
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Ferda no longer had nightmares.
As if there was no need, reality had become a nightmare.
Ferda, who had tried to escape in dreams, now wanted to escape in reality.
He stared at the dirt walls, wishing to fall asleep again.
But dreams would not permit Ferda's escape.
His wish was worth no more than a pebble.
W̆ е b̌ ǹ оv̀ е̇ l Е̄ ńu m̆а
The Red Circle rolled precariously like an old man's heart.
It lay before him like glass that could shatter at any moment.
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Ferda watched as two voices constantly whispered in his ears.
Just break already.
Not yet.
Reason and emotion clash endlessly.
Е̂ nu.m̊a
Each time silence continued, these voices would only grow louder.
Then, a voice was heard that made Ferda forget his struggle, if only for a moment.
"Ferda-nim."
It was Ruri.
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"It's already been three days. You've been in your room. Everyone is worried about you, Ferda-nim."
Three days.
Е̇ n ūm̆ ȧ
For three days he'd been like that, forgetting even the fact that he was the Chief Director.
Of course, Ruri covered this up well.
That he was training in his room to prepare his mind and body for the decisive battle.
People would believe that.
To everyone, Ferda was a strong person.
"Everyone's saying that... that BFG you made this time will play a big role. There's even a possibility that damages will be much less than expected."
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"..."
"Everyone has safely blocked the Far East's crisis, and they're at the point of discussing development possibilities."
Normally he'd be glad at such good news, but he felt nothing.
The territory's development, the Far East's peace - whatever it was.
What did it matter to Ferda, who was no longer Regent?
"I know you resent me."
Wе̌bň ȯ ṽ ё l̃ Еń ũ m̂ a
Ruri said this.
"I won't make excuses. Because I told Valdrova-nim everything truthfully, this happened. I have nothing to say to you, Ferda-nim. Please, resent me."
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Hearing those words, Ferda stood up.
"Ruri."
Ruri's shadow froze as she tried to turn away.
"Come inside."
Е n̄uḿå . іd̄
Then he opened the door and she entered.
Ruri's face held none of its usual coldness.
No, there wasn't even the air of someone trying to act composed.
A face like her heart had been gouged out by guilt.
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A face that looked like everything was her fault.
Seeing that face, emotion surged in his empty chest.
Е ṅ uma . і́d̆
It was irritation.
Ferda rose from his seat and walked to her.
"Ruri Silverwind."
Ruri felt a sense of disparity.
There was no man trying to look perfect as usual.
Ruined eyes holding who-knew-what emotion, approaching with staggering steps.
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It felt unfamiliar and scary.
An appearance that instinctively made her want to step back.
Ferda pinned Ruri against the wall.
That strong warrior, Ruri Silverwind, cornered by a mere human.
"Tell me. How would you like me to deal with you?"
Ferda asked her.
Е̊ṅ u ṁа̀ .і d̆
Ruri couldn't control her trembling as she asked back.
"What?"
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"You said it's all your fault. So if you must be punished, what would you like me to do?"
Ferda's gaze subdued Ruri with chilling force.
His hand touched Ruri's cheek.
"Should I cut out that loose tongue of yours? Or gouge out those eyes that saw everything and pretended not to? Or should I cut off those hands that failed to do their duty as a warrior? Where and how do you think I should do it?"
W еb n оv̀ еl̇ Е_n̈ u.m а̄
Ruri couldn't answer.
The current Ferda was too terrifying; just standing there was all she could manage.
"Do you think this future would have changed if you hadn't told Valdrova?"
"At least something like this wouldn't have happened..."
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"Don't spout nonsense. Ruri Silverwind."
Ferda rebuked her authoritatively.
W е̇b̌ǹ õ ve l̀ Е̃n úm а̀
"Even if you hadn't said anything, nothing would have changed. It was something that had to happen, and you just happened to be caught in it. Like how peasants' trivial prayers can't stop a foretold storm."
Does he want to offer comfort, or reproach?
Even he couldn't tell.
He just wanted to tell her there was no reason for her to be like this.
He didn't want her acting like a child sinking into guilt thinking a family's discord was her fault.
But Ferda was a mess at expressing that.
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By the time his reason returned enough to realize it, it was too late.
Spilled water, an arrow loosed from the bow.
Thanks to that, the Shadow Circle spins like it's having a field day.
Regret-made thing spins fresh and lively, mocking Ferda.
You've done another regrettable thing, Ferda.
Ferda couldn't open his mouth further.
Е ñu_m̃ а̌
Ruri, too frightened, didn't say anything to Ferda either.
Amid the uncomfortable silence, what broke it was the siren sound.
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Eeeeeeng!!
Along with the ear-piercing magic siren, a voice spreading across the entire territory.
-Level 2 Alert! Level 2 Alert!
Emergency readiness divided into 5 stages total.
Ŵе ḃ nоvеl̈ Е̇ ṅü ḿа
Level 2 meant an army including a large monster would come.
It meant one of the battles that should have happened in four days had been moved up.
-All forces, hear this! All forces stand by at designated positions! This is not a drill! I repeat! All forces stand by at designated positions at Level 2 readiness!
The busy vibrations of the ground running up were clearly felt by Ferda too.
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Ferda released Ruri.
"No need to report to me anymore. You are Valdrova-nim's attendant. What that person needs right now in her weakened state is you. Understand?"
Ёñ umа
"Yes."
Since we'll be strangers from now on.
It was practically the same as saying that.
Ferda could no longer look at Ruri's face.
"Go back now. I can prepare alone."
"...Understood."
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Ferda changed into the prepared new clothes.
He forcibly wiped away his hollow, exhausted eyes and left the room, heading to the field command post.
Generals from all regions had already gathered.
"Didn't see your face at all, thought you'd died, but you're alive."
Hudret greeted Ferda like that.
Ferda lightly made eye contact with each person in greeting, then asked Mori.
Ĕn_ûm а̀
"Level 2 means a large monster was observed. Is that certain?"
Mori, wearing the Chief Director's epaulettes, nodded.
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"Yes. One large monster individual is leading medium and small types, advancing rapidly here first."
"They came maintaining formation, then a sudden change. Can we know the reason?"
"Since it's such a sudden movement, if we hypothesize immediately, it might be the desire for first claim."
Small and medium monsters are observed relatively often so there are some hypotheses about their habits, but large monsters are not like that.
Ẅ e.ḃ nо v ѐl̆ Еn̄ u̇m̌а
Whether they followed their nature here or came with some deep intent is unknown.
"In army terms, it'd be like one kingdom's forces moving on their own within the allied forces?"
"Irrational behavior befitting things faithful to instinct."
It triggered Level 2 readiness, but it was also a boon for commanders.
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Monster forces were on the side with little data.
Especially battles with large-scale forces were truly minimal.
Е̂ ńu m̆ а̇. і̄d́
That a portion of those forces moves to engage in battle is the same as providing certain data.
"It's a boon for the dwarves too. They were dying to test that BFG."
"Isn't it the same for us?"
Individuals comparable to siege weapons, large monsters.
The BFG was one possibility to deal with them.
If they can test that possibility, the uncertain fog will clear a little.
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"Indeed."
Ferda chimed in on that too.
Actually, nothing mattered.
He just thought maybe seeing that BFG's power could divert his heart even a little.
He was just glad at that possibility.
