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Chapter 334
Altruistic Selfishness
"My daughter......."
Ferda, driven to his limit, now even feared that appearance.
Is this an illusion too?
Will it soon shatter, resent me, and disappear?
But such anxiety soon vanished.
Е n̈u m а̇
Looking closer, in more detail, he could tell.
She was clearly a fake.
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"You are......."
Those eyes visible up close.
Pure eyes in a cross shape—as far as Ferda knew, there was exactly one person with those.
"Nekonata......."
Е nu m̀ а . і̀ d̈
The thing taking the form of Valdrova's daughter smiled and answered.
"Correct. Have you met that Nekonata? This is our first meeting."
He couldn't understand what that meant.
Only the fact that Nekonata was in Valdrova's form spread as unpleasantness.
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"Are you pretending to be Valdrova's child now?"
"Pretending to be a child? I'm Valdrova's daughter, you know? And you're a stranger."
E n u mа̌. ĩ_d
Nekonata said it again.
She didn't seem to be lying.
The Nekonata Ferda knew wanted him to become her dad, and wanted to become Valdrova's daughter.
The Nekonata before him now claimed to be Valdrova's daughter, and called Ferda a stranger.
'And it's not an illusion either.'
If it were an illusion created by Ferda's will, it should reflect the Nekonata he knew and what she desired.
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There was only one thing this contradictory information meant.
'Is it a Nekonata from a parallel world?'
Nekonata is the King of Spirits and the Owner of the Unknown.
The Spirit Realm she lives in is one of the Limbos, and Limbo is the space between spaces, yet infinite at the same time.
A world filled with the unknown meant infinite possibilities were hidden there too.
That possibility meant a Nekonata from another world line wasn't strange.
En u m̆ а́
'And it's possible to wedge into a human's heart too?'
The smallest but most terrifying existence.
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>
It was a situation where that evaluation felt real.
"So are you just going to keep sitting there?"
Nekonata asked.
Е̂n̊ u mа. і d̄
"Where did you come from, Nekonata-nim?"
"Is that important?"
"Because that place could be the exit."
"Hmm, not necessarily. But it might not be bad either. Shall Nekonata lead the way?"
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"Yes."
Nekonata held a lantern and hummed a tune.
Е̂ n ům_ã
Ferda quietly followed behind her.
Only she could pierce through this endless darkness.
'It was harassing me so persistently, but it's not approaching anymore.'
>
Ever since Nekonata entered, the darkness trying to bind Ferda had become remarkably quiet.
That quietness was about to lead to anxiety, so he had to break it even by force.
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"You are......."
"Hm?"
"Are you really the Nekonata-nim from another world?"
"Hmm, I guess?"
"What happened to me in that world?"
"Who are you talking about? Dad? Or Godwin?"
W ëb̂ ńо v̄ ēl̆ Е ñ ům а̊
Godwin.
Did making that distinction mean he had really been resurrected?
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"Well, making that distinction... both of them died."
"Who killed me?"
"Who else, Mom."
Valdrova.
Е̄n̈ ǔḿă
Nekonata glanced sideways, made a gun shape with her hand, and pointed it at her own throat.
"She tore out Dad's throat. Just like back then."
Just like back then.
Hearing those words, a memory seeped into Ferda's mind.
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That was probably Godwin's memory.
Countless humans spread across the ground.
È n̂_û m ӓ
His own view flying in the sky above.
A gigantic Valdrova.
She roared, charged, and restrained him.
Bit and tore at his defenseless throat.
"Ugh!"
It hurts.
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Body and mind both felt like they were being torn apart simultaneously.
The rushing pain was so agonizing he ended up retching.
Since it was in his mind, there was nothing to vomit out.
Just the pain of his stomach turning over, again and again.
Ferda collapsed on the spot, his steps grown heavy.
"Hahk...... hahk......."
W е̇ ḃn̄ ŏv̀ е̄l̈ .E n̊ǔ m̂ ӑ
Rough breathing and dripping sweat.
He couldn't move anymore.
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"At least in my world, that's how it went. And that was 5 years ago~."
Nekonata told it innocently.
He thought her thinking was on a different track from normal humans, but now it was creepy enough to give him goosebumps.
"What happened to Valdrova?"
W еbñ_о̌ v̄ е́ l̂ Еnu mä
Truthfully, his own death didn't matter either way.
The problem was Valdrova.
If it was a repeat of what happened with Godwin, that meant that catastrophe might repeat too.
He hoped that dangerous incident where she was consumed by blood qi and wiped out half their forces wouldn't be reproduced.
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"Mom was really sad. She said she killed her own fiancé without recognizing him. She said that several times a day."
Guilt and regret.
E n̈.ū m ӑ._і̀ d̊
Valdrova's figure, consumed by those, was vivid.
"And you know? After Dad disappeared, Mom left Lonely Mountain completely."
"Lonely Mountain......?"
"Everything was made by Dad, but she couldn't endure it. So she flew off to the west just like that."
She didn't seem to have gone on a village-destroying rampage consumed by blood qi.
He felt relieved that Hestia Village remained intact.
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No, that's not something to be relieved about.
The Far East was a place that had endured on Valdrova's power.
Her leaving meant the situation was heading for the worst.
At a point 5 years later, that's probably what happened.
"What happened to the Far East?"
"The Far East under Mom was naturally in danger, right? Consillus? That person tried to do something but couldn't do it properly like Dad. In the end it fell into the Empire's hands, and the Demon Land keeps descending."
E n ŭmа . ĩd
"Such a thing......."
Ferda covered his face.
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"What happened after that?"
"Dunno. Hestia and all that isn't my business."
Cold, but it was the right answer.
He thought he'd feel a bit refreshed after grasping the situation, but instead he just felt stifled.
Ē n̈ u̇m̂.а́. ì d
Thinking he was just a mere human living his life, he wanted to shake it off and stand up.
'If I hadn't made that choice.......'
If he hadn't chosen to save Yubel,
If he hadn't chosen to kill Angrem,
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If he'd just let Gokma die without mercy and finished everything smoothly.
There were times to set things right, and Ferda was the one who refused.
Е̄ númа̃.i̇d
Regret surged.
Felt like his heart would burst.
Ferda squeezed his eyes shut.
Then, the floor started turning soft.
Something from the floor was grabbing Ferda's feet, trying to drag him down.
No good.
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Ferda hurriedly opened his eyes.
He saw Nekonata's face holding the lantern, and simultaneously the darkness trying to drag him away scattered.
The darkness quietly settled again.
'There's something in that lantern.......'
Whatever it was, he must not take his eyes off that lantern.
Ferda thought so and pulled himself together.
Èn̊uma .і̌ḋ
"Mom said she wanted a child."
Nekonata, who had been chattering away, said that.
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She'd been chattering nonstop, but for some reason, that particular story lodged itself in Ferda's ears.
"A child?"
"Yeah. So I asked if I could be her daughter? She nodded! She definitely agreed, and Nekonata happily dressed up like Mom. Made her hair red, made four horns, made herself like Mom."
"So...... that's why you're like this."
W еb̊ńоvе̃l̆ E n̂u̇ ḿа́
It was clear now why she took the form of a child resembling Valdrova.
"Right. But you know! Even after all that, Mom didn't laugh even once?!"
Nekonata puffed her cheeks and threw a tantrum.
"I told her Nekonata is now Mom's daughter! But she only said the same thing! Even looking at me, she only said 'if only I had a child'! That means she doesn't need a daughter like me, right?"
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"Your heart must be tearing."
"It tears. Because she keeps saying that even though I'm here. Makes me wonder if I'm worth only that much."
Е̊n̈ ŭ m а̄
Eyes tinged with jealousy turned to Ferda.
"So I got curious what kind of existence the dad in a similar world would be, and came to see."
"So how is it?"
"Honestly, disappointing."
Nekonata was small.
Yet she was looking down at Ferda.
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"Our mom always said Dad was a good person, someone who did things for her. I thought he'd be really cool, handsome, reliable. Not someone collapsed like this, unable to get up again."
"......."
"So I'm wondering. The Nekonata on this side probably has similar expectations—would it be better to let her have those expectations?"
Cross-shaped eyes shone eerily.
He thought maybe that wouldn't be so bad either.
But he couldn't bring himself to say it.
W̃е̇ bňô vė l̊ Е̄ ň u ḿа
"Better not to."
"Why?"
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"Because then the Nekonata of this world will do the same thing as you."
"Hmm...... haha! That's true? The Nekonata Loop isn't forgiven by Prime, so it can't be helped."
She said something only she seemed to know.
The girl held the lantern in one hand, and extended the other to Ferda.
Еnŭm а .і̀d̈
"Then since this Nekonata had no fun, I should help the other Nekonata, right?"
"Yes."
"Hmm, but what do you call this? Nekonata doesn't change, so in the end it's for myself. In this case, is it altruism or selfishness?"
"Either is fine."
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"Annoying. Talking with a daughter?"
"Because you're not my daughter."
Ѐ ń ū m а
"Hmph."
She withdrew the hand she'd offered to hold, and stood up.
"You're gonna be a really bad dad."
It didn't hit home hard.
Dad, huh.
Until this incident blew up, Ferda had never thought about becoming a dad.
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'Because Valdrova didn't want a child.'
But as he died, she regretted wanting a child.
'Why did she have that regret?'
She disliked having children.
Ferda knew the reason.
Because she knew she would disappear someday.
W_е̄ bn о́v̂ е́ l̆ Е̃n ü m̄ а
Ferda was a mortal who couldn't defy the flow of time, and she was an immortal who walked forever.
From their races, there was already severe dissonance.
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Knowing everything she loved would someday disappear, she wanted to avoid the pain of that loss.
'That...... doesn't make sense.'
He felt a contradiction.
She was happy when a fiancé appeared.
Еnù m а̄
She was happy when Hestia Village appeared.
She was happy when friends appeared.
The fact that something appeared made her happy.
But with Ferda's death, she gave up everything.
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Friends, Hestia Village, even her duty.
'While losing me, she re-recognized her own existence.'
Е nu ma. і̇ d
What she enjoys now will someday disappear, and someday leave her side.
The scariest thing was destroying everything she loved.
She already knew that pain.
A heavy sense of duty that even made Ferda sane.
Loneliness and pain created from that.
It awakened the trauma where a pebble named loss lay sleeping.
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It became an inhibitor suppressing Valdrova from being happy.
Ferda knew that well, so he considered her, trying to let her live enjoying this moment without knowing it.
That consideration couldn't stop her from fearing happiness.
'She wants to become a woman.'
A warm bonfire, not large, burning faintly, lighting a small area.
'But she is a dragon.'
Е̂ n_umа
Like the sun burning at the highest place.
The sun cannot become a bonfire.
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Because coming down to the lowest place, it possesses heat that burns everything.
That's why she feared being happy.
In reality, they dream the same dream.
They both wished for a small, ordinary family.
Ӗ n̊ům а
That's why Valdrova had the desire to have a child inside, and it led to regret.
'Ah.......'
Felt like a blocked hole had been pierced.
Breath caught in his throat, and vitality began surging in him who couldn't take a single step.
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Ferda finally understood.
He thought that lantern kept holding his spirit.
Ë nù m а̃ .і̆ d̄
'Reality was different.'
That was just a lantern, an object with no effect beyond a light source.
'What's holding my spirit.......'
Was the appearance of that Nekonata resembling Valdrova.
That appearance resembled Valdrova.
So Ferda unconsciously thought of her as a daughter resembling her.
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'Valdrova's daughter.......'
Even if what's visible now is a fake.
The child resembling Valdrova surely reminded him again that he loved her.
The child remaining at the end of burning passion.
That was the proof remaining between them.
Ferda answered firmly.
Ẅе́ b̌ n_о̇v̊él Е̌ n û m а
'I want to have a child with Valdrova.'
That doesn't change even as time passes.
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'That's my heart that cannot be compromised.'
And she wants it too.
'So I cannot die.'
He cannot see her crushed by her own weight again.
Е n̂ûm̀ а̇. і̆ d̃
That was his reason for living.
At that moment, the deep, dark darkness began to shake.
The things eating at Ferda's heart were scattering.
"Looks like you had some perverted thoughts."
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Nekonata started laughing hehehe.
"Lewd, but better to look at than before."
W е̌b́ ńо̇ v е l Enum à
It grew brighter, and Nekonata blew out the lantern with a puff.
This place was no longer pitch-black.
"Bbanjjak! I wanna go home now!"
Nekonata shouted loudly into the air.
Then surprisingly, a small light twinkled, and soon spread into a large form.
-Told you not to call me that, but you don't listen.
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"Then shall I call you old man? You seem to like that in this world?"
-Damn brat. Can't get rid of that tomboy spirit even in another world.
What appeared before Ferda was light breaking through darkness.
A dragon with brilliant rainbow-colored scales.
Lord of Dreams and Illusions, Gem Dragon, Unistus.
The eldest among the 12 Dragons, an existence no one can encounter by normal means.
W è b̌nо̌ v еl̄ Е̃ n̂ u m̃ ӑ
No, even if encountered, one cannot recognize his form as Unistus.
Because he's an existence only meetable by stepping outside the realm of perception.
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-Regent-nim, seems this body is unfamiliar to you.
Unistus's body kept shrinking.
The splendid Gem Dragon form became a 2-meter-tall old man.
The giant old man had a white beard hanging down, his appearance shabby unlike the name Gem Dragon.
Ẅ е̇ b̆.nо̂ v̈е̄ l̈ Ё ǹ.ú mа
Ferda greeted him respectfully.
"I meet the Great Lord of Dreams and Illusions, Unistus-nim."
"No need for formalities, Regent Ferda. We're originally existences that can't meet. Meeting like this just means we're both dancing to that damn brat's blackmail."
Unistus glared at Nekonata.
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Nekonata spoke proudly.
"I said I'd bring the Nekonata Corps for Dad. Good job, right?"
E n̄ uṁ ȧ . і̄ d̃
"What's good about it, rotten thing. Don't know how many worlds collapsed because of you."
"Not my business?"
The current Nekonata and this Nekonata were separate individuals.
Having crossed dimensions and time, there would be countless existences in that timeline.
That there are countless such kids.
He didn't want to imagine it.
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"If I may ask, do you intend to become Nekonata's adoptive father?"
"I can't be a daughter, but I can be a guardian."
"Stubborn. That side of you reminds me of someone."
"Shut up and hurry up. My legs hurt."
Unistus laughed heartily, picked up Nekonata, and sat her on his shoulder.
"For Valdrova, give regards...... no, doesn't matter if you don't. Just let her know I'll visit when the time comes."
W ӗb̀nоv̊ е̂l̀ Е́ n u m̃ а
"Give Nekonata's regards too. Won't mean anything in this world though."
"Shut up, you damn brat. Let's go back to your world already."
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"Bye then!"
The Gem Dragon and Fairy Dragon fade away with the world.
No, this was a change in Ferda's vision.
The deep darkness disappears, and he wakes from the dream, returning to reality.
Е n uṁ а ..їd̃
Re-recalling the realization, steeling his resolve,
Prepared to flexibly handle whatever hardships and adversities strike.
Thus light fell through the darkness, and reality revealed itself before him.
The moment he returned to reality, a figure with its back to the light caught his eye.
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Red hair, two pairs of horns.
Gentle eyes unbefitting the title Lord of Power and Fire.
Еňú mа
"Eleanor?"
It was Valdrova.
With a face looking strained, breathing roughly, she looked at Ferda.
Black mucus-like stuff covered her skin.
"Ferda-ssi......?"
Her eyes scanned every corner of Ferda's face.
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"You're not hurt...... yes......."
A smile of relief.
"Thank goodness......."
What followed was exhaustion.
"Eleanor!"
Ferda caught Valdrova's collapsing body.
Е_ñ ū m̈ а̀ . ĩ ď
Godwin's form vanished without a trace, and only a man's desperate scream holding a woman rang out pitifully.
